Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Envy Post

Isn’t it strange how we all envy someone who has something we want but that those things we envy are so completely different for each person?

Kate over at Maybe Baby? is wanting to be in her second trimester (completely understandable after what she’s been through, I’d want to be in the second trimester too!) - you know I'm rootin for ya honey! (thats cheering you on in Aussie slang! Though it does have another meaning too but we won't go into that!).

In complete contrast I’d be happy to be where she is right now, still knocked up and willing my second trimester to come hurtling toward me with gusto!

Others have told me while they don’t envy my miscarriages [after all who would?], they do envy the fact that I’ve managed to at least get knocked up, there are plenty out there who don’t even know if they can get knocked up.

There are those who are TTC and envy those who at least have a diagnosis as to why they can’t get knocked up. Unknown Infertility is hell on earth. If you don’t know what’s wrong then you can’t fix it, hence no solution. I envy those who have been lucky enough (that soooo doesn’t sound right but really there is NO other way to phrase it!) to find a reason behind their recurrent miscarriages, I haven’t been that lucky, I fall into the unknown zone and it’s a zone I hate because there is no solution so all I get is keep trying and one day one may stick. Ugh yeah my heart doesn’t like that plan very much.

No matter where you are on your InFertility journey, you will always find that there is someone who you envy and there will be someone envying your position in the journey.....such is life.


  1. I know what you mean - not from the miscarriage side, but from the diagnosis side. I sometimes wish I wasn't dealing with Stage IV endo, and think sometimes that "unexplained" at least wouldn't doom me to a lifetime of pain. There is no part of infertility that's easier than another, but sometimes it feels like anything would be easier than what we've been given...

  2. It took me a while to conceive and I remember on some days I'd think "even if I had a miscarriage, at least I knew I could get pregnant"... silly thoughts to me now. The truth is we all want a baby at the end of this struggle. If we somehow could look in the future and know this would happen, the envy would disappear.

  3. Here here. I agree with you. I wish you luck!! You have an award on my blog.

  4. It's amazing how true that really is -- and not just about IF. Thanks for a great post!

  5. I completely undertsand where you are coming from and is put very well. It is sad that we have this envy but it is only natural. After all, we are all desperate for a real live baby at the end of this journey and anyone who is one step ahead of us is closer to our dream

  6. Sort of another side of the Pain Olympics. It is easy to look at another and see their road as less painful, less challenging. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.

    No matter how you look at it, your road has been very difficult... I hope things really do turn around for you soon.

  7. Eh - I am glad that I haven't experienced a miscarriage. No, I've never "been pregnant" like all the "lucky" miscarriage survivors, but also have a much lower fear about staying pregnant if I ever manage to get there. That trade off seems more than fair.

    I do get your point though, supporting each other through this journey is rife with pockets of envy.

  8. Too true. But I'd rather never know the joy of receiving pregnancy confirmation only to have it snatched away by miscarriage. But perhaps thast because of the place I'm in today, the pits of hell......