Ok I want to ask a question and take a poll.
This question is aimed at all of those who have experience miscarriage.
Do you mourn your loss on what should have been your due date? Do you mourn the first year anniversary of the day that you lost your baby? Or do you just let these days slide by and get on with life?
Ok, can I see a show of hands please?
Today I got asked what was up with me? Why was I unhappy? When I reminded them that in two days time it was the 1 year anniversary of my due date from my 3rd miscarriage, I got told that 'yeah but those days are just times that you feel sorry for yourself" or words to that affect (I can't remember exactly because there have been quite a few tears since it was said).
Is that true? Am I just holding onto those dates purely so I can feel sorry for myself and bawl my eyes out? Become miserable about what I have had and lost and still don't have? Do I even have the right to mourn these days and dates?
Or am I holding onto these dates because if I'm not lucky enough to have children, these dates could be the only link I will ever have to motherhood and becoming a parent? Long past dates of what could have been, of days I should have been becoming a mother, a parent.
As I sit here with yet more tears streaming down my face, I'm torn between "getting over myself and my feelings" and not remembering the dates to try to move on with life and wanting to remember every single date that I possibly can that links me with motherhood because those dates are the only thing(s) that I may ever have relating to motherhood.
As I wipe away yet another tear, I can't decide what hurts most the upcoming date in two days time or the fact that the person who referred to the anniversary as a feeling sorry for yourself day was Bikerman......
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