What do you think?
I debated with my self whether to write this post or not because I fear it may ruffle some feathers and I have NO doubt that I will get some comments completely disagreeing with me but I thought ah fuck it and decided to "put it out there" despite the consequences!
You can blame Murgdans post for stirring my thoughts on this subject and then when Megan followed with her post from Murgdan's post, well it just snowballed!
I was talking to a "friend" (I use that term VERY loosely) last week who made the comment to me that she knew EXACTLY how I was feeling because she had struggled to fall pregnant for a year with her little girl. And just when they were getting completely and utterly mentally and emotionally exhausted with it all, they found out that they were knocked up with sprog.
I, of course, nodded, smiled and thanked her for understanding EXACTLY how I'm feeling after 10 years of trying to get knocked up with sprog and having 4 miscarriages and how it's great to have a "friend" who can totally relate to what I'm going through that I can talk to.
Was that a little heavy in the sarcasm? If so, my apologies, I swear I was as nice as pie to her in real life.
This got me thinking though, as to whether she possibly could know what I was feeling, experiencing or going through? Can someone who's struggled with IF for 1 year, really know what it feels like 9 years later to STILL be having the same struggles?
Or how about someone who's struggled with IF for 5 years?
What about the person who tried one IVF and got knocked up with sprog first try, would she consider herself part of the same community as the person who's tried 5 IVFs and still not got the prize?
Reading the comments on both Murgdans post and Megans post it's very obvious that IF's who are now pregnant still consider themselves to be very much a part of the IF community. As they should of course, it's not as if their IF status magically disappeared once they got knocked up with sprog.
They are different. They can't not be. If I got knocked up with sprog tomorrow after nearly 10 years ttc, I'd be changed. The one thing I'd yearned for, after so many years, I'd now have. My whole perspective on things would change. I wouldn't view my pregnancy like a fertile does (oh to be that lucky, to actually enjoy 9 months of pregnancy and not worry about every twinge - wouldn't that be bliss?!?) but I wouldn't be wondering where my miracle was anymore.
I wouldn't be stalking the halls of despair constantly looking over my shoulder wondering whether the hall monitor aka depression is about to sneak up on me. Each new pregnancy announcement wouldn't send me into a ball of uncontrollable sobbing. I wouldn't see newborns and then have to wince at that dull ache in my chest that ALWAYS follows a newborn sighting.
So sure, the pregnant Infertile may unfondly remember their struggle to get knocked up with sprog and be able to relate to the struggles of a current infertile but they also now relate to the other Infertiles who have crossed over the other side and of course mixing in with the crossed Infertiles are the fertiles.
I would imagine that once that lil bundle of sprogness is placed in your arms, the months and years that you tried so hard to get knocked up probably go flying out the window. You're grateful and COMPLETELY realise how blessed you have been BECAUSE you were an INFERTILE once but now you're not. You've created a sprog, Infertiles don't create them because they're Infertile. Baby and Infertile are two words that just don't go together.
Now read that paragraph and ask yourself this. Baby and Infertile DON'T go together because if you have the first then you can't be the latter BUT I'm an Infertile but if I got knocked up tomorrow, I would all of a sudden not be classed as an Infertile? WTF
So what does everyone else think? Once an Infertile, always an Infertile? Or does your status change once you've become knocked up with sprog?
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