So, even though I've been a participant in ICLW before, I will admit that I've been slack and not followed up with the commenting.
This month all that is going to CHANGE.
Last night and tonight (Saturday) I have sat down and commented on every single blog (bar two because of their blog playing up and being password protected) in the IComLeavWe list this month. Thats comments on 144 blogs (not counting the two I couldn't comment on) in 24 hours. My aim was to become an Iron Commentator on my first month of proper comment leaving and I'm so chuffed to have done that. I've come across some really lovely blogs this evening & last night and found quite a few to add to my list for regular reading. I've (hopefully) left some thoughtful and well meaning honest comments on the blogs I've read and all in all it's been a lovely way to spend two evenings.
I wanted my Abridged Version of my Miscarriage History to be the post that other ICLW posters/readers read first but please, I do encourage you to look beyond this first post to my last 5 or so posts on my blog, as recently I've written some posts that I've been really happy with and that have received some varied comments on, that have offered me a different perspective on how I wrote and what I wrote.
My Miscarriage History - The Abridged Version
"DH and I have been trying to conceive a very much wanted first child for 10 years this year.
Our first loss was in Nov 2001 at nearly 10 weeks.
We then tried and tried some more but nothing.
Finally I conceived again while on holiday in Tasmania (on my birthday actually) but went onto miscarry our second baby in July 2007 at 6 weeks.
The best bit about this pregnancy was that we conceived on my birthday and if the pregnancy had of been successful, my due date would have been DH's birthday.
Six months later, we conceived again however then went onto miscarry two days after getting our BFP in Feb 2008 at 6 weeks.
Unfortunately on the same day we got our BFP, we also found out that my Dad's Cancer had come back and that he had Cancer of the Spine and Lung and the diagnosis was terminal, with a 12 month life expectancy.
12 months later, we were knocked up for the 4th time.
I got excited, this time it felt different, I was hopeful.
I miscarried in Feb 2009 at 7 weeks.
I will never again feel hopeful about a pregnancy.
I will never have a normal pregnancy.
Should I be lucky (or perhaps unlucky) enough to fall pregnant again, every day will be a day spent holding my breath, analysing every pain in my belly and fearing going to the toilet only to see blood.
I long for a baby of my own, a real live breathing baby but I will never be lucky enough to have a normal pregnancy.
I envy those women who get excited at the sight of a positive home pregnancy test and only see happiness and what is to come.
Who can't keep it to themselves and so rush to tell friends and family all full of joy that they are going to have a baby.
Who have no fear of going to the toilet during their first 12 weeks.
Who rush out to buy baby clothes.
Who scour baby name books.
Who look forward to their first scan and can't wait to see a heartbeat and not wonder IF they will see a heartbeat.
Those type of women are the ones I envy. "
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