Friday, June 19, 2009

Lost

This may sound silly but the reason why I haven't blogged for well over a week is because I feel, well, umm lost. I want to blog but I don't feel like I belong in the IF community. I do not know why because I have still experienced 4 miscarriages (IF only we could wipe those kinds of things from our past eh?), still been ttc to get knocked up and STAY knocked up for 10 years and still want a bubba but I'm feel very removed from the whole world that is the IF blogosphere.

Since I closed my last blog down I haven't really had the same readership and I DO miss that. I miss the comments, I miss the feeling of belonging in the IF world. I know we don't really WANT to belong in the IF community but if we do find ourselves in the horrible world of IF, then it's nice to know that we can suround ourselves with others who are going through similar things to us and that helps ease the pain and burden of carrying such wounds and experiences on our shoulders and forever in our hearts.

Restlessness is a major part of my personality, I always feel the urge to move, to be wherever I am not and to be anywhere but where I am. I get bored easily and need change frequently (the change of my blog design so frequently should tip you off on that one!) and I'm feeling the need to change my blog. In some way, any way, it needs to be shaken up to get me back on track for "fitting in" again. It will always be somewhat IF focussed but I think it needs to be that and more....hmmm thinking cap time!

12 comments:

  1. Hey you - I am still here and unfortunately we will always be IF. Whether or not we ever get pregnant or adopt, or live childless it doesn't matter. The fact that our babies are in heaven and not in our arms and the fact that we have tried and struggled for so long means that we will forever be IF.

    If you want to blog about other things, how about a hobby, a passion, vacations, family, married life, or just plain life in general? Just some ideas.

    You are not alone - I am still here for support!

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  2. I feel lost too. Misery loves company :)

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  3. I often wonder about the shifting stances in the world of IF... like, if I stop treatment and just exist for awhile... am I still IF? If I pursue adoption, am I IF and adoption, or just adoption?

    I've come to the conclusion of this: No matter where I go from here, I will always be IF. It's a part of me, and it's never going away. It's not my life, but it's a part of it from shaping who I am today, to who I may be tomorrow.

    I completely understand the need to be around those who can actually understand.

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  4. sadly, pregnancy doesnt fix our IF. I think we will always be IF. When I'm pregnant, I feel like a phony at times, but I remember the decade of unpregnant. I remember the miscarriages. I remember the infant deaths. All to well. I'll never be a normal pregnant woman and all of my experiences are those of an infertile woman. I cant imagine being anywhere else.

    I think the hard thing is when people change blogs that some folks feel they are disassociating from the "community" and they struggle to move to a new blog where everything is supposed to be more "normal". Not that I dont think you are entitled to move if you feel called to! But, that may be some of the reason that people arent commenting or arent around as much.

    Sending you big hugs...

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  5. Feeling lost sucks! Feeling lost is one thing but don't EVER feel alone because you are NOT! We're all here for ya, hon!
    *HUGS*

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  6. I'm here too. : ) Infertility will always be a part of me -- which is why I blog about it, even though I am years past treatment -- but it is not entirely me. I am more than my uterus! : )

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  7. I feel lost from time to time, too.

    Hang in there honey. ((Hugs))

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  8. I know exactly what you mean with your blog readership, mine also seems to go through peaks and valley's and personally, I preker the peaks but then again, I'm a total hits bitch! :-)

    And I so hear you on the restlessness, I also change my blog up every so often due to boredom! Loving your look though!

    ICLW

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  9. Yeps...know all about the last blog and what happened there...You are a part of this community, no doubts!


    ICLW

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  10. I feel lost too. I've been very slow to blog. I don't feel like I belong, anywhere. I just want to shut down and cease to exist.

    Hope you feel better soon.

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  11. Good luck as you focus on where your blogging journey will venture next! :)

    *ICLW*

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  12. I totally get the bored and feeling restless phenomenon. I feel the same way all the time, dude. Hey, thanks for the blog comment - and nice to find you here. I like your tag line of "we don't need to be in order to be happy." I'm coasting along that fragile line myself. Let's stay in touch. :-)

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