Thursday, June 11, 2009


Yup thats me hitting the grief wall. It's taken near on 12 months to hit but it's hit.

How do you explain to people that just because you were strong at the time and supported everyone else grieving doesn't mean that you're not alright now and actually aren't coping with the rapidly approaching first year anniversary of your fathers death, which happens to be the day after your birthday?

How do you fight the way through the fog that feels like it's choking you?

How do you get through each day?

How do you even exist?


  1. God, I think you exist because you have to. And I think you just have to let it go and people have to realize that grief comes in stages, and denial of the grief (whether because you cant deal with it or because you are helping others deal with it) is one of those. Just let it all hang out. You deserve to let yourself let go.

  2. It totally sucks to grieve later then everyone else! I get so angry at myself when I think it took me THREE years to FINALLY do it. The important thing is that you ARE doing it. It hurts, I know, but I PROMISE you, you will feel less pain. Right now it feels as if there's a deep dark hole inside you and you have NO idea how to fill it. You won't be able to fill it completely, but you will be able to fill it some and the pain and the sadness will lessen. It takes time, which also sucks, but you can and you will do it. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as if you have a physical ailment. Crying helps, as well. Let everyone know that you're not "OK" and you need them to understand and be patient. Reach out to others, even if they haven't suffered a loss. People can really help, I promise!
    Hang in there sweetie. I'm here if you ever need ANYTHING! You're more then welcome to email me and I promise I won't try to cheer you up every time ;o)

  3. I don't know hun. But the others are right, everyone grieves in their own turns, hopefully they can understand that. (*hugs*)

  4. I am sorry you are going through a tough time, I wish I had some answers for you.

  5. I went through an unexpected round of grief on the anniversary of our loss. I saw a counselor about it, and she told me it was "anniversary grief"! Try to let it come when it does. I know, it feels overwhelming, but it will pass one day. HUGS!!

  6. My mother died on May 29, so I am just beginning the journey of grief—but what you said about being strong for others rings a bell for me.

    Many, many hugs to you as you find your way out of the fog.